Requited Loves
by shadowWizz
Summary: [ShizumaxNagisa] My version of what could have happened at episode 18 of Strawberry Panic. Don't own any of the characters. Yuri fic, you've been warned. Nothing anyone below 18 can't read. So just R&R. Thanks


**Requited Loves**

**Warning**: This fic contains Yuri/ Shoujo Ai and rating may change, so don't read it if you don't like.

_Disclaimer: I own nothing except this fic's storyline._

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Chapter 1: Nagisa x Shizuma **– A new beginning _

_(Takes place during episode 18 where the both of them are at Shizuma's vacation home, after Nagisa had run back to the house in the storm…) _

Shizuma: "Nagisa, are you awake? Can I come in?"

There was no response from the other side of the door. Feeling worried about Nagisa, she opened the door and went in.

Watching Nagisa's face clouded in sadness as she slept, a huge wave of guilt washed over her. As she sat on the edge of her bed, gently holding her hand, throughout her mind she was repeatedly apologizing to her.

'_I'm sorry…'_

'_It hurts so much, I just couldn't forget about Kaori and I really don't want you to be her replacement as well. You're a kind girl and I shouldn't deserve this love that you're giving me. The fact that I know that you loving me is hurting as much as me not forgetting about her is tearing me up deep inside… I'm sorry… sorry…' _

A single tear fell from her face and landed on Nagisa's cheek. She stirred. Slowly, opening her eyes, she suddenly see Shizuma with a pained expression, gazing longingly, and gently touching her cheek.

Shizuma, not realizing Nagisa is awake, continues to hold Nagisa's hand, lost in her thoughts. A pink tint slowly crept across Nagisa's face and it was then that Shizuma realized that Nagisa was awake.

Nagisa sits up suddenly, breaking the atmosphere around them.

"Shizuma – sama… " as she proceeds to edge away from her, a hand shoots out and grabs at her wrist.

"Wait, Nagisa – chan, please. Please just wait for moment and just listen to what I have to say…" Shizuma pleaded.

Then she continued to speak without waiting for Nagisa's permission.

"It wasn't on purpose, I didn't want to hurt you, but I just couldn't bring myself to forget about her. When Kaori was around, I thought that I had everything that I needed to last through this lifetime. When she died, I had seriously thought that I had died along with her, that is, until I met you."

Seeing Nagisa not struggling to leave anymore, she loosened her grip on her, and continued.

"When you first appeared in this school, I thought that you were just another person whom can help me temporary forget about the pain in my heart. At that time, you were the most cheerful person I've ever seen at the whole of Ichigo–sha and I was hoping that some of your cheerfulness would rub off onto me, so that it could lessen the emotional pain I was feeling ever since Kaori died.

As time gradually passed, I found myself wanting to be around you more often, spending more time with you and wanting to know you better. However, I know myself better than anyone that I'm still not cured from the pain that was caused by Kaori's death. At that time, you were just a shelter in the storm; I was using you to get rid of the pain that was eating away my soul in the depths of my heart.

Miyuki warned me that I was getting too close, but I did not care and chose to continue to be sheltered by you. You had given me the strength to carry on with my duties as Etoile, as a living person.

It was by this time that I realized that I'm starting to depend on you unconsciously. I had told myself that this had to end or stop somehow… one way or the other. Otherwise, I would only end up causing you pain, and that was never my intention to begin with. When I watched you run away, I had thought to myself, _'Ah, I've still not gotten over it yet…_'.

Even as of now, I'm still bounded by my past. How Kaori and I had spent the last of her remaining time in existence, the bond we once had, what we once did and all the emotions that the both of us had shared."

At this point, Shizuma found that she could no longer continue to speak as tears spilled out from her eyes. Seeing this, Nagisa took her handkerchief and started to gently wipe away the tears. Sensing the need for her to say something to ease Shizuma's heart, she hugged Shizuma's head in her chest and said,

"It's alright to be sad when someone you treasure dearly is not here anymore, no one had said that you needed to forget about her. It just takes time to heal emotional wounds and maybe yours just needed a much longer time…" When Shizuma heard this, she stopped sobbing and looked up at Nagisa.

Nagisa, looking tenderly at her, continued.

"When you had called out Kaori's name in the room just now, I was devastated. Knowing I could not help you to ease your pain, I did not wish that I would add on to that pain that you are already feeling. I can tell that she's still a very important person in your life and she forever will be. The first time I ran away from you in the room was because that I had hoped that you would not be reminded of her while being with me. I knew that I was causing you much pain and suffering and when you had called out to Kaori, and my guess was confirmed. The second time I ran away from you was because I had seen the pained and sorrow expression that your clear eyes had reflected when you looked at me. At that time, I really wanted give everything I had just so that I can help you ease your pain, but I could not and ultimately can not do anything much to ease it, much less erase it. I know that I can only watch you suffer from the sidelines and support you from there, but I really wanted to do so much more. The more I thought about it, the more helpless I felt. I thought that I'm in no position to be near you anymore, and so I ran. I was running away from my helpless self, running away because I could not do anything to help you. It was not your fault so please, don't blame yourself."

After finishing what she had to say, Nagisa drew Shizuma into a hug, and told her

"_I'll always be there for you when you need me." _

As the storm continues howling outside, both Shizuma and Nagisa had continued to embrace each other until they both fell asleep in each other's warmth.

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_'Single Quote'_ Thoughts  
"Double Quotes" / _"Double Quotes"_ Speech

Author's notes: That about concludes what I have felt in episode 18, just thought that it would be nice if they had went back to the dorms together instead of letting them go back separately. I may continue writing if this fic is well received. Critics are always welcomed, please review. Thanks.


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